there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
