my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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