he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
