u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
