What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
