when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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