If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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