Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
