i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
be right there i have to get my cape
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
