For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You have to summon your inner elephant
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
