note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
