I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My pussy is not your playground.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
