But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
