I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
