he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
