I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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