Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
