Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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