My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
