i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Sober January is a disaster.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
