He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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