No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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