I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
