is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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