Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Drunk is a universal language darling
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