A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
