Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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