i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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