so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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