I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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