So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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