last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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