so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
