Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
