Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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