explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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