Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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