It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize