The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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