Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
