Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
