she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
