One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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