I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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