She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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