it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
