yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
