That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
