My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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