So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
