whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
