Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
These tits shall not be calmed
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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