I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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