Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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