$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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