My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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