My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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