ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
