she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
