I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
