He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
