A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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