I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
whose parrot is this?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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