If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and she was petting her beer can
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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