Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
