My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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