Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
