You just made me feel so damn special
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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