she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
