I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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