He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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