You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
