8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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