So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
