i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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