allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
