He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
