whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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